Sons Never Forget (SNF)


Founding Member
Feb 9, 2020
Sons never forget. They grow into men who never forget and grow strong
from the remembering. Speaking to my mom long after our shared past,
this was made evident.

"My 17 thousand is going to be down payment with an FHA secured mortgage
30 years at roughly 3% locked in. Then, she'll pay the rest, both our
names on the title. And then damn it, ... f*ck Delmar," I told her.

She asked where that come from.

"Sorry, I just heard 'you'll never amount to sh*t' or 'you'd f*ck up a
wet dream', too much and well, ... 'Hey, look what the f*ck I'm doing
old man! And you?' It's just bothered me a lot," I replied.

We then spoke about my middle brother John. He is being stupid just like
his dad about his heart health. We both agreed there's nothing we can
do. It's up to John all the way. We both agreed we feel sorry for his
wife and two daughters.

Delmar was my step-father. He was what some might call a real piece of
work, too. Years later I learned very much later he had raped my mom
several times. That explains her thirteen, or so suicide attempts during
that time.

Delmar even let another man abuse her. That man threw her down a flight
of stairs. Later me, my brothers, and a federal Marshall ran him off
when he tried harassing us again. Mom didn't know about us doing that.
She remembered him calling our home, saying he'd be over to beat her.
She didn't know why he seemed to disappear though.

And Delmar boasted how much of a 'real man' he was to everyone. Of
course, I was to never amount to a pile of sh*t, and I could f*ck up a
wet dream. Ironically though he never seemed to be able to figure out
how bills kept being paid after I turned fifteen. No, he wasn't paying
them. He was gambling six thousand dollars, or more away each year.

I knew better than him being any kind of man. I worked as his own father
suggested I do, and I paid the bills or contributed enough to help. I
changed his sons diapers, I was their 'daddy' for quite a while too.
Delmar was a long haul trucker so he was only a weekend warrior 'daddy'.
Even then his sleeping in a recliner wasn't much of a 'daddy'.

I saw how my Pap, mom's dad, treated Grandma. He never raped her. He
would also come in each day after working eight to ten hours, garden,
help Grandma can, cook, keep house. Pap hunted, fished, trapped. He kept
busy yet he did have his schedule too. Everyone knew about noon he would
have his lunch and go to bed shortly after. He would get up at ten and
go again.

Pawpaw John while he spoke a little harshly to Mimmy at times never raped her.
He too would work and offer to her help if he could. Pawpaw John taught me working
from sun up, or earlier to sun down or later. You work until its done, no more or less.

No sons never forget, unless in rare cases they do. Then, those cases
get evened out by the sons that never forget.

N.B.: Those versed in the manner of the 'Old World' ways will understand this. I was groomed for military service as well as groomed to head three households. This come from three different grandfathers who lived through the Great Depression era, one who went to war and back. You might break me down but I get right back up and go again. I've had far too much hammering done and am rather tempered.

It's rough though at times for me. Mom says I need to 'let go'. I've forgiven but not sure I'll ever forget. And I know most will say if you forgive then you need to forget. Well, I don't know that, that is always so. After all, here I am bringing balance back to the universe for all the shitty men in my life. And yes, I have my own life besides that, thanks. Though sometimes I think I'm in a cell. *chuckles* Then, I go get some coffee and raise a little Hell. :)
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Founding Member
Feb 9, 2020
Didn't raise too much Hell. I got down around her dad's cleared with weed eater. Then, got a catch in my low back. Got my medicine for gout today got one in me. A few more days I ought to be back to par, or near enough. Going to help FIL go split some firewood. He just needs a "spotter".

I wrote the above piece SNF as means of a little self help and to maybe help others. If someone can survive, there's proof they can as well. :)

ETA: Mon 22 Jun 2020 08:36:15 AM EDT Feeling just a bit better re: gout flair up. Been taking the medicine. Got outside and did about ten to fifteen minutes of weed eating. That still leaves roughly another forty five minutes needing done. I'm not feeling too terrible for not conquering it all in one shot. Her dad told me do what I could, as I could but he rather I be back to par. Believe I would rather that too. Then, I can get it all in one shot. ;)

Also he wants me going to spot for him later on this week. He has some firewood to split. We got a "wagon" cart to hook up to the tractor for an extra rider. It's quick a dirty done but it'll function, until we genuinely put effort to building it full on correctly. Then, it'll be a handy little wagon for hitching on to the tractor not only for a rider but a fair load of wood, maybe a tool staging unit. So, I'm kind of also down playing the need to "git 'er dun" on the weed eating, in order to be fine for that.

Thinking we'll be in the wood Thursday, Friday. The rest of the week isn't faring well in regards to the weather. Anything you do outside is on the sly against the weather too. So humid you can taste the rain hanging in the air. Sneak out when it's not dripping, weed eat, feel the barometric pressure tickle your skin and head back inside.

Thinking aloud a bit. I find it funny how dogs react to/with me. Three big old Great Pyrenees / Lab mixed mutts. Of course, they're bread knowing what to do. They're sheep dog crossed with retriever hounds. Grouchy the "runt" was our big baby "teddy bear". He saw me as papa. Sherlock our skiddish boy that ran around with coyotes saw me as "big creepy". Hammy their sister saw me as "oh, hi dadddy, i can get away with murder because I'm your bestest girrl, huh?" Shrek our little wiener dog mutt sees me as an inferior, as not "pack leader".

The other three all knew I was/am pack leader. My philosophy though is a hands off or gentle approach. Life usually works itself out in due course. I let my wife be "big boss", but if stuff gets out of hand I'm right there "in the wings" if needed. People take note, people grasp "oh, we'll deal with her because um erm, we don't him to get pissed and deal with us, okay let's be nice especially so. he's BIG DOG, we'll deal with her." And not a domineering persona nor do I act menacing, or intimidating, at least not intentionally or knowing it. I just cast "that vibe".

And then there's Shrek. *sighs* Been with us at least fifteen years. He still thinks she is full on pack leader, still thinks he's BIG DOG. I figure it's the whole small dog psychology. I probably ought to "correct" it but at the same time that would possibly "crush" him and I don't want to do that. I'll ponder on approaching it gently.
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