Constantly worrying, drained, not content after smoking. . . .

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Mar 2, 2020
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I feel worried about stupid things, drained from the lack of energy and I am too fearful of doing anything. I would rather sit here and be passive in my room, playing games or watching stupid videos.

I feel very passive and reactive. I dont want to take any actions, I would rather sit here and do absolutely nothing. I lack the feeling of creating things with my mind; I would rather mindlessly watch videos and shut myself out from the world.

I find most things strange and so I act in a way that is not my usual self. I am not as expressive when I am high. I am fearful of the way I present myself. My whole perception of life is different. Closed from the outside world. Living in my own head. Not facing reality as it is, I am looking at things and putting a label onto them,not seeing things as they are, putting assumptions and unnecessary implications onto things, and getting spooked over it.

(ie. in a conversation, I worry about trivial things like how I present myself, the standard that I hold myself to, my mind is filled with unnecessary concepts from being inside my head, I am not feeling but rather reacting to words, and then labelling those words with a hidden meaning made up from the delusional concepts that derives from the high; be it negative or positive but nevertheless it is delusional and not reality as it is, but as I want it to be.)

If a person is speaking in way that I find unpleasant, I grow a dislike for them and I find it hard to accept them as they are. I judge them and throw in a bunch of negative associations with the personality that is presented. I am easily influenced by the other person that I am interacting with. If that person is up to my standard, I will have a good time. If that person is what I would find 'strange', I will be uncomfortable. Usually, I am not swayed by people, I see them as they are and I accept them. When I am high, I worry about dumb sh*t like this. Concepts of worry and fear are very prone in this state.

In order to distract myself form this, I need to play games or mindlessly watch a video to shut out the negative feelings. I feel like a zombie. Shut out from the world.

I have a fear of embarrassment, a total focus and awareness on how I present myself, I am also very reactive to things in a subtle yet hostile way, not tolerate to reality, unhappy with how things are presented, very judgemental, emotions are easily influenced by others, expectations on how people should act, very aware on what is happening and how I should act in that situation

I am too busy being in my head, not really accepting things as they are, very prone to delusional thinking about assumptions and concepts that can arise from worry.

Care too much about trivial things.

I do not feel like myself at all

submitted by /u/Theaustralianzyzz
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